Recognizing When Its Time to Let Go

Sometimes it's wise to listen to your own advice! So often I've shared with hurting girlfriends or puzzled male friends or brothers my observations on what the constant factor in their failed relationships is -- them!

You see, I've studied people and their behaviors all of my life -- even as a child I watched adults and questioned why they did certain things. My Grandmother along with my aunts and uncles thought this curiosity was something extraordinary, while my mother labeled it 'smart.' All in all, I've always had a knack for seeing how choices affected outcomes and how patterns could be the tell tale signs of a person's social interactions with others.

Priding myself on my intellect, which has garnered me a great many volumes of socio and psycological studies, I've always had an explanation as to why things end up a certain way based on reactions and often actions of others. It has taken me quite a bit of 'head bumping' to see my own patterns of self-defeat. . .

I'm currently in a relationship with one of the most charming, handsome, caring, sensitive and giving men that I've ever met in my adult life! Noting his flaws and how well I would be able to accept and live with them didn't take me very long to ascertain. He's worth it. Yet with the first really terrible storm our relationship met, my reaction was one that I've always relied upon: step back, distance myself, stop communicating and re-assess whether I've made a 'good choice' to be involved. Over the years this 'coping mechanism' has taken as much as 4 yours to run it's course and one relationship that I truly wanted to work was stretched out over 10 years due to this 'self-defense' tactic of mine. . .

While I can't say that the current perceived slight isn't major, I can say it isn't a 'deal breaker' when it comes to this relationship. Yet the real issue is whether or not I'm mature enough to let go of my safety net and ineffective security blanket.

It's a wonder that the beloved men in my life have always allowed me to return at will and pick up the relationship where it left off -- those that hadn't gone on with their lives and married women with different coping methods.

My daughter used to chide me with the saying, "Knowing is half the battle!" whenever a seemingly simple answer proved to solve a puzzling predicament. Knowing that I've missed countless years of warm, mutually rewarding involvement with some decent guys points to my past inability to aptly assess my own failings and intolerance for the shortcomings of others.

Now that I Know that the biggest part of healing takes place when a wound/injury is acknowledged and allowed to hurt, I think I can begin letting go of my old ways of shutting down and bottling up the hurt.

My old pattern of reactionary method doesn't work for me or my relationships and I'm ready to hold on to the joy and laughter that comes with recognizing when its time to let go of behaviors that hinder wholeness. Walking away from self-defeating habits is the other half of the battle!

Victoriously embracing Change,

YE is Here